Is Your Family
Talking About Alcohol?

Family Alcohol Communication Assessment Tool
©used words LLC

Even one "no" answer indicates the need for more talking!

Even one "no" answer indicates the need for more talking!

	The above are questions we wish we had asked sooner. Alcoholism is a family disease.
	Buy the Book OUR DRINK talks about how our family has taken on addiction. It discusses information about the way you choose to drink, including facts about binge drinking and alcohol consumption that you might find surprising. OUR DRINK is an excellent place to begin your own discussion about alcohol consumption. Please consult a professional if you need more guidance.

	We’re always taught to pay attention in school; to go to college and get that great job; to find a soul mate, house, car, kids and all that stuff we “need.” As soon as we question whether we need it we feel like we’ve been wrong. Maybe this is what drives us to drink. Maybe we’re just a bunch of wimps who have nothing better to do than wait around until our “problem genes” catch a whiff of the wrong substance and send us spiraling downhill. It’s incredible all of us aren’t addicted to something. Our Drink lays it all out. Dan Murphy, age 24 Lewis & Clark College grad

Detoxing the Perfect Family A Book by Chris Volkmann and Toren Volkmann Mother and son offer a no-holds-barred true account of an adolescent from a "perfect family" choked by binge drinking and alcohol addiction. Our Drink available at educator/counselor discounts! Click Here

But more and more I would be tired. Sunday nights or Monday nights I would find myself in bed at 9 or 10 p.m., knowing that I may not get to sleep until 4,5 or 6 a.m.--my legs would cramp sometimes, or ache depending on how bad it was, or how much I had drank. I’d have sweaty, sudden convulsions just as my body began to relax or fall asleep. I would be scared to fall asleep, and lay awake frightened, having no clue what to do. In total dread, it would continue until it would finally subside enough to let me sleep. HELL. I tried to think it was normal, but I knew something was up. Toren Volkmann, age 24 Co-Author, Our Drink: Detoxing the Perfect Family

A MUST READ...
	...	for could-be, would-be or have-been drinkers of any age.
	...	for wet or dry parents.
	...	whether you think binge drinking is tight or totally uncool.

Our Drink: Detoxing the Perfect Family portrays the choking of an adolescent by binge drinking and alcohol addiction. Toren and his Perfect Family drag this drunken party straight into American homes in commonplace nonchalance, mislabeled under the term "success."

Toren's has been a life no mother wants revealed yet others would find exhilarating and shockingly sensational. But there's a clincher: it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for the cool guy from the cool family and it might not work for so many others who will read the book.

Invincible Toren had a college diploma, a competitive spot in South America with the Peace Corps, spoke three languages, and could charm his way around the world. He didn't think that drug and alcohol information applied to him. And the family missed it. If this family is the average family, and the addicted son represents a flourishing college graduate, then there must be millions more like them….and tens of thousands more who are or will be facing alcoholism.

The voice of the story switches between mother and son to provide a dynamic combination of inner monologue, narration and alcohol information. This patchwork disarms the reader by its honesty. Our Drink offers a genuine picture of what hard drinking does to a young man, a family, a society.

The reader can dip into an addict's tragic brew while learning something. Integrated within the book are facts about addiction, binge drinking and alcohol abuse. There are 65 references and over 35 resources and links.

The story could take place in any cul-de-sac; it's one that is happening in epidemic form. The key to dealing with alcoholism isn't just a pile of scientific data on drinking and addiction---it's all the relevant statistics cultivated in the Petri dish of the family. That's why it's Our Drink. It's owned by all of us.

	It's not just the Perfect Family's opinion about itself. It's what researchers are saying about our youth, our family, our college campuses and the drinking culture. Binge drinking is the most widespread health problem on college campuses in the USA [College Alcohol Study, 2002].

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Softcover: 232 pages Dimensions (in inches): 6x9 Publisher: Elton-Wolf; August 2004ISBN: 1-58619-106-3 In-Print Editions: PaperbackAvailability: Usually ships within 3-4 business days

	Other people need to read this! Particularly, I thought of our group of friends, and how many (if not all) of us could stand to reevaluate the role of drinking in our lives. Then, I thought that my mother and others in families similar to mine would want to read it. Reading Our Drink has inspired me to do some much-needed introspection about my own habits and attitudes regarding alcohol use/abuse. Chris Maxwell, age 21 Recent college graduate, Boston University

	Here is what an expert says about Our Drink- Having been involved in adolescent chemical dependency treatment for over 28 years, I think Our Drink is a profoundly honest and real story that all families could benefit from. The back and forth dialogue between parent and child about the pain, fear, and destructive consequences makes it feel like you have witnessed a ten-round boxing match. I can see this book being used by prevention folks working with high school students, college-age students and their parents, school, and staff. It could also be used in treatment. I found everything in this book well done. Our Drink brings the reality home that alcohol does not care who it conquers, and that the more sophisticated we think we are, the more the destruction surprises and hurts those who are captured by its power. It becomes very clear in this fearless searching diary, that being perfect is painful, and that the condition is a myth with consequences. Stephen Bogan, M.A., Chemical Dependency Professional Division of Substance Abuse, State of Washington Nationally Certified Addiction Counselor, Youth Treatment Lead

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Table of Contents

	Learning about drinking choices early on and being proactive can prevent horrific tragedies and loss of life. There are so many parents who will relate to Our Drink. Patty Layton City of Olympia, WA Safe & Sober Driving Coordinator

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What type of research did you do for Our Drink?

Chris: To begin with, I wanted to find a book that described the family experience--the whole picture of addiction and alcoholism where not only the teen is considered, but all the people who live with him. I looked in bookstores, but there wasn't anything I could find that seemed real. Then I looked on the Web where I located many helpful articles and links. Still, they didn't carry over to our living room. At that point I realized the need for an up-front book discussing binge drinking and its effects on the family.

Toren: I didn't do any except while I was in college and in S. America (in my own lab) doing my own research.

How did you decide to write Our Drink? Who came up with the idea?

Chris: When I first saw Toren's journal writing, its abrupt power and brutal honesty, I knew our family needed to face the true world of alcohol. It forced me to rethink our history. Out of desperation, I began writing in my journal. When the paper began to stack up, I asked Toren what he thought about creating a book. I wasn't sure if it would be a good thing for us, stirring up all that turmoil.

Toren: My mom was visiting me at rehab and we were in line at the cafeteria when she first brought up the idea. I was doubtful and couldn't imagine what it would all be about. But I said, "Okay, let's think about it after I get out of here."

How did you actually go about writing the book?

Chris: Toren and I each wrote our portions independently. We merged the material by e-mailing documents between Florida and Washington State. During Toren's halfway experience, we met twice to go over some of the drafts.

Toren: I continued in the same style as my journal entry (which became Chapter Four.) The remainder of the book I wrote from the public library while in the halfway program.

What kinds of decisions did you have to make personally in order to write the book?

Chris: I had to face reality. I had to step up and say it like it was. I had to be honest with every family member about my own feelings and reactions. In order to do this, I began to ask difficult questions about myself and my culture. I decided to scrape away the veneer of shiny parenthood.

Toren: I basically had to decide that I wasn't going change the content in order to cater to any certain person and that I would try to really portray how alcohol affected me.

Why would you write a book that exposes you and Toren to public scrutiny?

Chris: Being criticized will be difficult. But through the years I have learned that each time I think I'm doing a better job of parenting than someone else, it's not true. The myth of the perfect little family behind the white picket fence isn't my yard. It's much easier to be who I really am than try to fool everyone. I am the mother of Toren.

Toren: I had to expose myself in order to leave S. America, go into rehab, go to the halfway house....so this is really just one more level of honesty. I am less concerned about what the public thinks than about what my friends or family think.

How did you react to one another's first writings?

Chris: Toren's journal entry to us was most shocking to read. I couldn't believe what I saw printed before me. It was a world I never thought one of my children would inhabit. His words caused me to re-evaluate everything I had done as a parent and the writing ultimately turned into a description of our family and our values, one that I could hardly admit.

Toren: I was extremely interested in what my mom had to say. Some of it made me feel like shit and some of it gave me a better understanding of my impact on the family.

What were your goals in writing Our Drink?

Chris: Our mission is to talk honestly to kids and families about alcohol choices and the consequences of heavy drinking.

Toren: We made a list of reasons early in our work, because we wanted to have a clear idea of why we were writing. Here it is:

• To fill in the gap between what's really happening with young drinkers today and what society perceives about young drinkers
• To help someone possibly recognize early symptoms of alcohol addiction/abuse
• To help parents and kids talk more openly about alcohol use
• To inform others about alcohol addiction and the disease of alcoholism
• To support parents and enable them to realistically examine alcohol use in their family
• To support kids in their drinking choices
• To dissolve the glamour of chronic heavy drinking
• To heal our family

	Because college is such a life-changing experience and drinking such a big part of it, Our Drink will have an impact on campuses everywhere. I learned a lot; I cried; and the honesty was touching. Susan Fiksdal, Ph.D. The Evergreen State College

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SIGNS OF DRINKING DANGER

• The family's influence on teen drinking choices
• Social drinking
• The definition of binge drinking
• What's a blackout?
• Hangovers-why?
• Underage drinking-children
• The definition of addiction
• The physical reason for withdrawal

THINGS EVERY COLLEGE STUDENT SHOULD CONSIDER BEFORE BREAKING OUT THE BEER BONG

• The beer bonging culture
• Up-to-the minute research on alcohol studies
• The hippocampus and dopamine
• Adolescent brain development
• Effects of chronic heavy-drinking on brain development
• Effects of chronic heavy-drinking on memory and mental function
• Spill over on campus....the aftermath of heavy drinking on all students
• Red flags for problem drinking
• Tolerance of alcohol
• Dependence on alcohol

	I applaud your effort to produce a book which is at least partially based upon your experience and your intense interest in helping families cope with the reality of alcohol in our culture and in the lives of our young people. (Rev.) Edward A. Malloy, C.S.C. President, University of Notre Dame CASA Board Member, National Center on Addiction & Substance Abuse

QUESTIONS EVERY DRINKER SHOULD ASK

• Genetics and family history in alcoholism
• High risk for young men who drink
• Statistics on results of heavy drinking
• The Big Business of Alcohol
• Pro-government lobbying for alcohol
• Health effects and alcohol
• Parents' drinking choices
• Adult brain damage from social drinking

	Our Drink made me look at my own life and my addiction of 20 years: smoking. I quit! Thank you, Perfect Family!!! Anonymous reader

TOP RESOURCES FOR ALCOHOL ADDICTION

• Alcohol assessments CAGE test, Michigan test, the Jellinek Curve
• The Our Drink Communication Gauge for families and teens
• Talking to kids within the family about alcohol choices
• What families can do about a heavy drinker in the family
• Intervening with a heavy drinker
• Where kids can go to learn about drinking choices
• When to get help
• Support by colleges for drinking choices-what's out there
• Twelve-step programs
• What rehab is like
• What halfway living is like
• Awareness of drinking choices-the chance to make a life-long difference
• Education, alcohol awareness, persistence in parenting
• Our Drink lists over 35 links to resources on the Internet
• Our Drink offers over 65 references to alcohol and addiction studies, helpful book titles

	Our Drink is right on because it allows us to see addiction from both the addict and the parent. There aren't many books written in this style. Families, particularly parents, will find this book a helpful tool to understand addiction. I recommend using this book in programs that are geared towards adolescents. Our Drink will make a profound impact on education of the disease concept. This book will help move our society towards acceptance which in turn will open doors for higher quality treatment and decrease the tendency to look at the disease as a "moral issue. I will definitely recommend this book to my patients! Katie Revenaugh, BS, CDP Chemical Dependency Professional

Author Chris Volkmann, a former classroom teacher, a recipient of the 2001 Washington State Artist Trust GAP Literary Grant, lives in Olympia, Washington. She attended University of La Verne, Université d’Aix-En-Provence, and graduated in Elementary Education and French from Washington State University (’70). Her recent book, OUR DRINK: Detoxing the Perfect Family, (co-authored with her 24-year-old son Toren) will be released this August 2004. Their website www.OurDrink.com emphasizes honest talk about alcohol choices and the consequences of heavy drinking. It has assessments for family members to find out how well they are communicating about drinking choices. There are separate questions for teens and adults. She has formerly published THE LAST STRAW: A HANDBOOK OF SOLUTIONS TO SCHOOL BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS, R & E Research Associates, Inc, San Francisco, CA, 1978. Chris plays viola with the Olympia Symphony Orchestra and has run ten marathons. Her three sons are all now in their twenties. She resides with her husband of thirty-four years (still under his original warranty!) in Olympia, Washington. Chris went to Toren's college graduation having no clue her son was part of a not-so-hidden epidemic. She shares what every parent thinks but cannot always say.

Author Toren Volkmann graduated with a BA in psychology. He was a former Peace Corps Volunteer. He dabbles in music, both composing and performing. His recent book, OUR DRINK: Detoxing the Perfect Family, (co-authored with his mom) will be released this August. Their website www.OurDrink.com features honest talk about alcohol choices and the consequences of heavy drinking. There are assessments for family members to find out how well they are communicating about drinking choices with separate questions for teens and adults, and also assessment tools to determine if someone has a drinking problem. In Our Drink, Toren grips the story with the bite of an addict’s hidden desperation. His edgy writing wanders within itself, giving the reader the feeling of chaos and inner turmoil behind a demeanor of courage. Toren currently lives one day at a time in New York City after successfully completing six months residence in a Florida halfway house.

	In the past we thought of alcohol as a more benign drug. It's not included in the war on drugs...[But] the most popular drug is also an incredibly dangerous drug. Sandra Brown, researcher University of California, San Diego

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